Message for this day.

Anyone who knows me well enough will know (with a little thought) what this day previously meant to me. Its funny how something that means everything to you can fall to nothingness in less than two years. Sometimes that two years seems like the longest time in the world and at other times it seems like i just blinked and ended up here. I feel so much better for having endured what I have. Would I wish it on anyone? on my worst enemy (if I had one)?... no... But I have learnt that I have a strength that can see me through the darkest days. Nothing is worse than this. I can survive *anything*. Were it not for this day, Felix would not be here. He means the world to me and I would endure anything for him. I will never give up on him. He makes life all the more sweeter and the precious hours I have with him linger in my heart always. He cant know what strength he has given me but I know that I owe him the world and I am going to be the best damn Dad I can be for him! He will grow to love his Dad, and more importantly, my one hope is that he will grow to *like* his Dad. Lastly, I'd like to give thanks to Alanis Morissette... if I couldnt scream out along with her in my car I just dont know where I would have eneded up. And on that note... I'll keep it short and sweet and leave you with these thoughts. Thanks Alanis xxx --------------- how 'bout getting off of these antibiotics how 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up how 'bout them transparent dangling carrots how 'bout that ever elusive kudo thank you India thank you terror thank you disillusionment thank you frailty thank you consequence thank you thank you silence how 'bout me not blaming you for everything how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once how 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you how 'bout grieving it all one at a time thank you India thank you terror thank you disillusionment thank you frailty thank you consequence thank you thank you silence the moment I let go of it was the moment I got more than I could handle the moment I jumped off of it was the moment I touched down how 'bout no longer being masochistic how 'bout remembering your divinity how 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out how 'bout not equating death with stopping thank you India thank you Providence thank you disillusionment thank you nothingness thank you clarity thank you thank you silence ---------------